Right now my life feels like a shit storm. I feel like so many things are going wrong. I've started to doubt karma and God. I haven't always been the best mother, wife, or caretaker/homemaker in general. But these last two weeks I've been trying to really get my shit together. I've been organizing and cleaning more than ever. I've been taking care of the kids better I feel. I've even made dinner once, which is something I almost never do. I've been more patient, and just a better person all around, I feel. So why is this shit happening to me and those I love? I have no fucking clue. On Wednesday, I was cleaning and I got a splinter. It took hours litteraly to get it out. Then I took a nap, and when I awoke, I found that I'd only taken off the top half, and now half of it was embedded in my skin with nothing to grab with the tweezers. It's still there, by the way. Immediatly after getting the splinter, I kicked a small but heavy trash can with my knee that had been hurting off and on for the previous two days. Then I burnt my hand. I cried so much that day.

Also, my sister-in-law is getting divorced for the second time. He's in the army and they were moving them. Two days before they were supposed to move together, he informed her that she wasn't going with him. She was devestated. I've heard that an unexpected divorce can feel like the death of a loved one. It's horrible. So now she's moving back to town and living with her sister.

And my father-in-law is in the hospital. Supposedly he had a clot that was in the whole length of his leg. They finally broke it up, but that worries me so much because those little clots are floating around in his blood, and they can join up in his heart or brain and make another, more dangerous clot. We're going to the hospital later today to take the kids to see him and see how's he's doing. I'm worried. His wife died about 6 months ago, and he's not super-sad anymore, but I am worried he might lose the will to live and his body might just shut down. I'm worried.

Another thing is that my husband only worked like 30 some hours last week, and we have the internet bill to pay and the garage rent, and we need diapers and the food assistance benefits aren't coming yet, and the office is closed until Monday. We need milk and bread and a few other things. We're not going to starve, but I feel like I'm depriving the kids every day they don't have milk. I make sure they get their dairy, for sure, but I feel like milk is so important.

The only thing good right now are the kids. They are wonderful, really. Owen is so super smart, so ahead developmentally. I keep forgetting that he's technically only 1 still. His birthday isn't until the end of December. He speaks so much, he can do so much. He feeds himself, he can ask for what he wants, he gives great hugs and kisses, and he's so cuddly. He can say all the letters in the alphabet and he can count to 20 by himself! He's also very good at waking me up, shouting my name in the morning just inches from my face with the cutest smile ever. The girls grow every day, too, but Owen's development just seems light-years ahead. He's a little miracle.

Going now to get the kids ready and myself ready to go to the hospital.

2:49 P.M. - 11.11.11