Last night we watched "Glee." I love that show, the music is good and I really like the actors and everything, too. Well, there was this one part where this couple was talking, and she was having a very hard time, struggling, so she got down on her knees next to the bed and started praying. Then, the man, instead of saying, "you won't like it, you'll be bored, the kids will be restless," got down on his knees and supported her. I was so shocked. And that just put an even finer point on how supportive my husband is. He keeps saying that I can go to church by myself, but not with the kids, and he doesn't want to go. It feels like he's telling me what to do, telling me what I can do. I hate it. I want to tell my friend that he won't let me go, and then he'll say that that's not true, and either say he doesn't think the kids can handle it, or he'll act differently and make me look like a liar. I don't know why he's balking so much, either, because he's believed in God or gods or whatever the whole time I didn't or didn't know what I felt. The only thing I can think of is that he doesn't want me connecting with other people. He doesn't want me talking about what's going on with us. He doesn't even want to talk about it. I don't know what to do, but I do know that I really do want to go to church.

This morning, I woke up when the kids did, but Owen was fussy, so I laid down with him in my bed, and I went back to sleep. The girls were playing nicely in the bedroom and on the bed next to me. Then I woke up and they had left the bedroom. Owen was still asleep, so I went to see what the girls were doing. They had our sugar tub and were eating white sugar from it. They were saying it was tasty. That's my fault, partly, because when I make my coffee, I usually add sugar, and they see me do so, and then they see where I put it, on the shelf right at their line of sight. So they got up and decided to have some sugar. It could have been much worse. I've fallen asleep like that before and once they got the pitcher of water out of the fridge and dumped it all over the floor and my lazy boy, and at the same time, got the huge tub of margarine out of the fridge and ate some and spread some on my chair. So it could have been sooo much worse.

We're running out of food here, and I'm running out of ideas for meals, as well. We have no milk, bread, tortillas, and a bunch of other things, and with most of those things go my meal ideas. This morning the kids had toast with green beans for breakfast. Kind of weird, but they didn't complain except when the toast was gone, and they were still hungry. I don't know what I'm doing for lunch, except I might do "dipping" things, like tomatoes, lettuce, hot dogs and such with light ranch dressing, or I might do pop corn and dry cereal mixed together to make a kind of trail mix, but that's only one food group, grains, and a good meal should have three, but when we're getting to this point, I do at least two. So I don't know what else to do with that. Usually, I'd do some sort of dry or dehydrated fruit, but we have none. We have all the paperwork for food stamps, I just need to send it in. It's such a big help; I can't wait until we get it again.

I'm making a short grocery list for this next week, and trying to think of some lunch ideas and things to feed the kids. We also need some things like paper towels, dish soap, baby soap, things like that. We'll see what his check looks like this week to see what we can get.

2:15 P.M. - 10.06.11