My face is hurting, and my neither regions are sore, because it's that time of the month! I actually said a little prayer in thanks over getting my period. And then I actually remembered the last time I had my period and it was about a month ago. So I panicked over nothing.

So, on Friday I called the local mental health clinic, and they said you needed 60 days of pay stubs for proof of income. I only had 45 days worth. And when I asked him where they were, of course he said he'd given them to me. I fucking hate that with a mother-fucking passion. We always have paperwork that needs his pay stubs to go with it, and he never keeps very good track of them. And then he blames me. And it hurts my feelings because I had nothing to do with it, yet he's blaming me. It is the same thing if he were to tell his boss that the job was messed up because of me, when I didn't even come within 1000 yards of it. He always says, "I gave them to you." He NEVER gives them to me. So counseling is still on hold.

Then on Saturday I went to the laundry mat and was there for several hours. I ended up doing 30 loads of laundry and spending $65. It was grueling. I've never done so much work in a long time. I didn't sit down the whole time I was there. And in doing so much laundry, we missed my friend's kid's birthday party. She was upset, she said. Oh well, I really don't care. I told her I was just exhausted, and now we have a play date set up for this weekend sometime.

With the laundry, we had to sort it all and put it all away, and he ended up staying up until 5 trying to do that, because the neighbors complain if we leave any of our clothes in the laundry room here in the building, so he was trying to get it all done before the lady came to do her laundry. She never did, and he didn't finish anyway. We still have more to sort.

We didn't go to church, because we both stayed up so late. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to go. It seems impossible right now.

I told him I feel like this is an abusive relationship, and he said, "What about the way you treat me?" Like I make him feel like shit? Like I've isolated him from his friends and family? Like I keep him locked in the house all day with nowhere to go? I told him we need counseling to fix this and stay together. We need it. I don't think he agrees, and I know he doesn't want to go. He's afraid that the therapist will agree with me, I know. There was a therapist at the college I went to for a little while, and in the beginning of our relationship, she tried to break us up. He didn't like that, obviously. So now he says he doesn't like therapists. Whatever. I told him I loved him but I don't know if that's enough. I told him if we didn't have kids we would have broken up a long time ago. It didn't change anything.

5:45 P.M. - 10.03.11