I'm feeling better after being sick for the last two days. Still have a rumbly tummy sometimes, bad gas and diarrhea. Last night I was up a few times with the pain in my tooth. I have my bottom left wisdom tooth coming in, for about 5 years now, LOL, and it's coming in at such a crooked angel, it's been hurting, and when I went to the dentist to get it check out, he said that there's a bad cavity and the nerve is exposed, and the pain is what's keeping me up at night. I've actually been woken up by that thing. Tomorrow I go in for an extraction, so hopefully it will all be better. Today I go to WIC for an appointment. WIC stands for Women, Infants and Children, and it's basically a nutritional program sponsored by the government for people who qualify financially, and boy do we qualify. They showed us a chart a while back, when I got my job, and it said that a family of five can still qualify up to an annual income of 36,000 a year. LOL We don't even come within 10,000 of that. They issue "checks" which are basically a check with a list of groceries on it, and you can get exactly what it says, or leave it off. For example, we get some that say "1 gallon 1% white milk only no additives, 64 oz 100% juice no added sugar" So in that instance, we can get 1 gallon of milk and one container of juice as long as it qualifies - no added sugar or whatever in this case. The program is about getting healthy food, so they don't let you get sugary drinks or chocolate milk or junk like that. Other items that we get on our checks are cereal (there's a short list of what's allowed, no added nuts or fruits and nothing too sugary, and no boxes less than 10 oz, only 36 oz total, but it can be split between several boxes), eggs (large A or AA only, no "organic" or any other special claims), frozen juice as well as liquid (only certain brands and 100% only), tuna (a certain amount of oz, it comes out to about 5 cans), bread (whole wheat only, a select number of brands and has to be 16 oz only), tortillas (have to be corn and a certain number of oz), rice (brown only, 14 oz) peanut butter (most brands, 18 oz only, no jelly or any weird flavors), cheese (has to be 16 oz, shredded or block, no cheese slices, no added spices or anything), beans (only certain cans, 4 at a time only), and they have vouchers for fresh or frozen fruit and veggies (but no cans, and no white potatoes, and nothing with added seasonings or sauces). A new program they implemented last summer was "checks" for actual money in $3 increments for fresh fruits, veggies, plants and herbs at the local farmer's market. We loved this. We've gotten so much from there. Tomatoes, onions, green beans, peppers, and we even tried a butternut squash, although it was not our favorite. The girls love to walk around and everyone there is so friendly. We usually go Saturday morning, but for a few weeks they had a special Monday night time, so we went then, too. It's almost done now, and we've spent all our checks. But WIC in general has helped us out a lot, being able to get free milk, bread, cheese and the like has helped a ton. Along with the food, they do check-ups of the kids. Nothing major, just checking weight and height and iron levels. This was a big deal about a year ago, the girls iron levels were low, and they gave us some great information about how to get more iron into their diet. They also helped me with breastfeeding, when I did it with the girls for about a month and then with Owen for about 18. They're really supportive of it, and gave me lots of good information as well, which makes sense for them. Because if I'm breastfeeding then I'm not feeding hiim formula, which is really expensive, and they do help with that, too, if you don't breastfeed. When I fed the girls formula, we got checks for free formula. And they'll also give you checks for free baby food in those little jars, but we never used them; I always mashed my own food.

Another good program that I wish we were on is food stamps, or EBT. In the past, they've given us as much as $550 for food for the month. That is always such a tremendous help. The only problem is, a few months ago, we had a review, to make sure our income was the same and all that, but we never filed the necessary paperwork, and they stopped our benefits. Well, now I have the form all filled out and all that we need to do is send it in. Hopefully we'll get benefits for November, because now all the paperwork and pay stubs you need to submit go to a central processing center, and it takes a few weeks to get it all sorted out from there.

Another program that is income-based is the counseling. I've been told by several people that the local mental health office will give you discounts or something if you can bring in pay stubs and some form of proof of address. The only thing is you have to go to the office in person with all the papers during a short window of hours in the day. And I've not had a chance to go until today, or tomorrow. It depends on when the window is and what time my appointment gets done today. If I can't go today, I WILL go tomorrow. Tooth extraction or no, I'm going.

I told him yesterday that I don't want to have sex with him, and he seemed surprised and asked why, and I said we have a lot of problems to work out and until that happens I don't want to. He seems confused and acted a little like I was over-reacting. He just said, "Okay" but I could tell he didn't agree. I told him I wasn't in the mood. I don't really care what he thinks at this point. I'm not attracted to him like this, and I don't know how I feel about everything, and sex will just complicate it. He's usually the one who wants to do it anyway. I've been reluctant these last few months. I think it's because sex is very emotional for me. When I thought I loved my first boyfriend, we had a lot of sex. We really cared about each other and it was great. When I had casual sex with one guy, it felt wrong and dirty. So I'm thinking that I'm not attracted to him or in the mood because the feelings aren't there. And there was a while back in the summer when I was on my period for like 10-11 weeks. It was horrible. Then I got my period regularly for a couple of months, and now, nothing. I'm kind of worried, to because we have had unprotected sex. I don't know what to think. I don't want another baby right now. I don't want to bring another innocent soul into this twisted, fucked-up situation. But whatever happens, I'll make the most of it.

2:46 P.M. - 09.29.11