I have lots to write about today.

I got an email from Mr. Magill saying that there was a Mock Trial meeting on Tuesday in room 12 (16?) at 6:30. I'm not ready to face the Poky people. I still wonder what I should wear. I think this means I got in, because I don't think that they would want me to come for a meeting for them to tell me, "Sorry, you didn't make it." If that did happen, I would cry right there. When I thought I couldn't participate, I DID cry. I got a letter from the school talking about the '30% Rule.' You can't participate in 30% of your activites if you break the Good Conduct Rule, which I did by getting arrested.

In other news, there was a visitor at my school. Fletcher. I'm not kidding. I wish I was. I was coming down the stairs from 2nd period study hall going to 1st Aid. I saw him outside the office. My heart skipped a beat and I felt a stabbing pain in my chest. I quickly walked to 1st Aid and sat down. I was getting a headache. Then, I wanted to go to the nurse but Jay said that I should just sit there. Then we started doing class, and I asked if I could go get my book. I looked at the hall, and guess who passes by?!?JUST GUESS!! Yes, you got it! Fletcher. So I look at Jay and say, "Maybe not" So guess what. He walks in has the balls to just start talking to Jay. He was telling Jay that he was moving to Kansas (not far enough away) and he wanted his number and address to keep in touch.(WHY?) (Jay is Mr. Jamison, my 1st Aid teacher.) I just lay my head down and I had my arms around my head, sorta like my head on my arms. I started crying. I just wanted to tell Fletcher to just LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! UGH! Then, a little while after he had left, I asked Jay if I could go to the bathroom. I went and I cried more and I washed my face. I'm not ready to face him yet. Then I dried my face and decided if I saw him that I would tell him off. I went to the office, and in front there is a giant cork board and it has the annocements and school lunch callenders and litlle notices. I am looking at this, and I hear Fletcher's voice in the office. I wanted to go in there and say, "Can I talk to you?" Then walk out with him and tell him off. I couldn't do it. I'm obviously not over him. I thought I was. I was trying to get rid of everything that reminded me of him, but the one thing I couldn't remove was HIM. UGH! Then I went back to 1st aid and pretended that I was okay. I do this weird thing. When I cry, in the same day that I did, I am always more hyper, like I'm trying to convince everyone (including myself) that it's okay, I'm still happy. I'm not happy. That's as much of a lie 'Bush is a good president.' HA! So then I tried to go about my business but I was still haunted by Fletcher's voice. I hate him. I hate him for what he did. He 'loved' me, abused me, and broke my heart. The worst parts, I thought I loved him too. I forgave him for abusing me after almost every time he did it. We didn't break up after one really bad episode, though. Then, at lunch, Jorge came up behind me and scared me. I almost cried, and I told him that I was having a bad day. UGH! Then, the bad part about this episode: my 'friends' didn't help. There was some shit drama about Kaitlin, Heather (Kaitlin's cuz), Peter (Heather's ex) and October. Now, Kaitlin has everybody's best interest at heart, and she gets very protective of her family (stuff like this has happend before) but we all thought she was over-reacting. Peter and October had done some sexual things and Kaitlin and Heather were pissed. Anyway, I had had TWO emotional breakdowns earlier that day, and no one cared. I was in deep hurt, and no one said anything to me. NOT ONE PERSON. This solidifies that fact that I REALLY have no friends. UGH!

5:01 P.M. - Monday, Nov. 28, 2005