I've been thinking about this guy, Chris, that is going to be my therapist. I wanted to be completly honest with him, but after I met him, I didn't think that is possible. Now, I know that's not possible. I was thinking about the stuff I think and what I go through every day, and I feel like if I told him pracitcally anything that I would be institutionalized and declared mentally unstable. Do you know how many homicidal thoughts I have every day? Do you know that I see my carpet swim and the lights switches move when they really don't? Now do you see why I'm worried? I just want to go to my appointment and tell him, 'Never mind.' I just hope that I can still live in the real world for a little bit longer.

10:37 P.M. - Monday, Dec. 26, 2005